Can I just tell you that I am sick and FREAKING tired of listening to people complain about being pregnant and or their kids.
I can now say from experience that pregnancy and parenthood are not easy. But I knew that going in. It's one of those "not easy but but worth it" things. What did these people think they were getting into? Did they think this was going to be a walk in the park? And at the same time don't they get what amazing blessings they have? Don't they know that their are woman just WAITING to have the every thing they complain about?
I savored every second of being pregnant. I loved it! I loved knowing their was life inside me, that I was doing what I was meant to do. I loved knowing that I was a MOM, I love feeling my baby girl inside me. I loved laying on the couch and watching her move around. I loved listening to her little heartbeat. Towards the end there were nights I cried in pain. But I never once complained. Never once did I wish to not be pregnant. I wished it would go fast so I could hold my baby, but not because I didn't want to be pregnant.
No lie these are the status updates from just one of my friends just this month:
"I hear women say a lot how much they LOVE being pregnant...um what part? The swollen feet, the throwing up, the constant back pain, waddling, or maybe the sleepless nights? I for one cannot wait till its over..."
"To tired+ to pregnant= to Emotional!"
"No one gave my 1 yr. Old the memo..mommys gonna want to sleep in today after the twilight marathon? Thanks a heap"
"20 Min. tantrums at 6:30 in the morning? Drives me nuts..."
"My feet have elephantitis..."
She isn't the only one... plenty of other people do the same thing. It just gets under my skin. I hate it. And to be fair the very same friend says plenty of very nice things about her life too, I know she loves her little girl, and the one she has on the way.
Am I just being to touchy? Do I need to just "get over it"? Or is it fair that it bugs me? Is it just because of my infertility I feel this way
**UPDATE**
Mrs. Pink has since stated that she thinks "its pretty unfair when you don't want to give the whole story". So just so that everyone knows: There were about 20 posts on her FB page from that month that could have been interpreted as complaining. I only used 5 and the first quote in the post ended with something about how excited she was to hold her baby in her arms. Also, the second to last one, about the tantrums was not meant to be included. In a later post I will explain why.
Mrs. Pink also told me to "Find someone else that bugs you to quote." I would like to point out that this is not the first time I have blogged about this very subject. See the following posts:
Things I Wish People Wouldn't Say
NIAW: Bust a Myth
And Katie- I believe I fixed all of the errors. Thanks for pointing them out. And did you finish reading the post? I never said Mrs. Pink wasn't a good mother. In fact I pointed out that from other FB comments I knew how much she loved her little girls.
Also to Katie and Bonnie (who commented on this post) I don't know if the two of you ever came back and read the rest of the comments on the posts that you commented on. Just in case you didn't, or didn't take the time to educate yourselves, I wanted to help you out. And Mrs. Pink you could be included in this as well, your post made it clear you have also not been fully educated.
**UPDATE**
Mrs. Pink has since stated that she thinks "its pretty unfair when you don't want to give the whole story". So just so that everyone knows: There were about 20 posts on her FB page from that month that could have been interpreted as complaining. I only used 5 and the first quote in the post ended with something about how excited she was to hold her baby in her arms. Also, the second to last one, about the tantrums was not meant to be included. In a later post I will explain why.
Mrs. Pink also told me to "Find someone else that bugs you to quote." I would like to point out that this is not the first time I have blogged about this very subject. See the following posts:
Things I Wish People Wouldn't Say
NIAW: Bust a Myth
And Katie- I believe I fixed all of the errors. Thanks for pointing them out. And did you finish reading the post? I never said Mrs. Pink wasn't a good mother. In fact I pointed out that from other FB comments I knew how much she loved her little girls.
Also to Katie and Bonnie (who commented on this post) I don't know if the two of you ever came back and read the rest of the comments on the posts that you commented on. Just in case you didn't, or didn't take the time to educate yourselves, I wanted to help you out. And Mrs. Pink you could be included in this as well, your post made it clear you have also not been fully educated.
"Infertility primarily refers to the biological inability of a person to contribute to conception. Infertility may also refer to the state of a woman who is unable to carry a pregnancy to full term. There are many biological causes of infertility, some which may be bypassed with medical intervention." (Wikipedia) There are also links in other comments that you could follow for more medical definitions.
In the medical community you are considered Infertile after 1 year or trying without any kind of contraception. Infertility is not always a permanent diagnosis. Some woman don't struggle with it until after they have had a child or two. And although we often refer to the woman as the infertile one, that is not always the case, men deal with it too. Many doctors do not tell a patient that they can never have children, unless they are missing primary reproductive organs, or are sterile. They can give percentages, but even people with less than 1% chance still get pregnant naturally.
I do not feel the need to defend my own infertility in this update, if any of you had taken the time to read older posts it would have been made clear. However, I would hope that before you try to tell any other woman that she is not infertile, or has never dealt with infertility that you take the time to find out her history.
First of all, you need to check your spelling in your posts. "And to be far" "Or is it far", it is spelled fair!
ReplyDeleteSecondly, infertility means you are unable to conceive. Since you have a child you are obviously not infertile. You may have difficulty getting pregnant which is not easy but you are not infertile.
Third, sarcasm is used frequently on facebook. If you can't tell the difference then get a better sense of humor.
Fourth, the so called friend that you are quoting is a wonderful mother. Everyone complains now and again about tantrums and sleepless nights. This does not mean we do not cherish every moment with our children and does not make us bad mothers. If you have never complained in your life then you can judge her but from this post I would say that is not the case.
to Katie-
ReplyDeleteSince we are in the mood to share.. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002173/
This defines infertility. Although you seem to think that your definition is clear, and compliant to the guidelines, of what "you think". The medical world would beg to differ. So, yes, B has a baby. That she prayed for our four years to receive.
If you had read the rest of her blog-which I am sure you haven't. Especially since you spend all of your time on Facebook. Being 'sarcastic'. No, we aren't all perfect, everyone complains, whether it's about infertility, pregnancy, I mean I even complain about all the dumb people on Facebook. So, we are all aware, we aren't saints.
Yes, you are entitled to your opinion, that is the glory, and down right humor of this country. But, this is a place of refuge for B, and for other infertiles to relate, and to share. This wasn't posted on a billboard, it wasn't shoved in your face. You have to come looking for it-sad.
Furthermore, if you really feel the need to come onto a blog, dedicated to infertility, and attempt to differentiate infertility, and difficulty conceiving, you are barking up the wrong tree.
Oh P.S. B, never once said that your friend did not love her children. Infact, she pointed out how loving and caring she was towards her child, and the one on the way. Coming from another adult, who has a child.. I can honestly say, I admire any parent who loves their child. We can all agree that there are some people who don't show the love needed by their children. On that note, you are truly a loving person when you can put your childs needs before your own.
I agree with the original post completely. As a woman who is dealing with infertility (And Katie you need to educate yourself on what being infertile really means.) it defiantly is annoying to see people complain about being pregnant or their kids. It often seems like they don’t appreciate what they have. I also agree with the second comment that this is a refuge for B and she should not have to deal with such rude comments!
ReplyDeleteI say a lot of our feelings towards people making comments like this are because of our TTC histories. If I had even just a penny for every time my SIL's complain about their kids, I'd be rich I tell ya. :)
ReplyDelete