The Hiatus Continues...

I don't even know where to start...

I will try to fill you in from where I left off I guess...

My mom never started chemo. She didn't feel it was going to do her any good. The doctors told her that with 6 months of chemo she could live 8-11 months, without chemo they gave her 6 months. That was mid February. Through a divine turn of events she and my dad were able to go to a clinic in Switzerland. It was a good trip, but it was cut short by other medical issues that she needed to come back to the states to resolve. They returned home April 11th. 

On April 26th my brother returned home from his mission in Chile. My mom was too weak to join us at the airport to welcome him home. My hubby also flew in that afternoon and my sister who lives in San Diego had been in town for about a week. 

That day marked the first time in 2 years our entire family was together, about 12 hours later we learned it would also be the last time.

That day my mom went from being able to talk and interact with us to almost non responsive. That evening we sensed her time was short and we each took some time to talk with her. She responded every now and then to me while I talked. I told her I would miss her, that I was sad her life, her story, was ending this way. Her frail, weak, skinny body hardly able to move. I watched as tears fell from her closed eyes because she was too weak to open them. I told her I loved her, that she'd been a good mom, a really good mom, and that if she was ready to go that it was ok. I cried and I hugged her and gave her what ended up being one last kiss. 

That night we had a family prayer and The Guitarist gave her a blessing. We all stayed with her until about 11pm then went to bed. At roughly 1am on April 27th my dad woke to the sounds of her strange breathing. She'd slumped to her side, towards him. He was able to get his arms around her and sit her back, but moments later, while still in his embrace, she took her last breath and was gone.

Since then life has just been one big whirl wind of people and flowers and food and crying and everything! We tried our best to still do the things we had planned, things we knew she would still want us to do. In the morning we woke and went to meet with the Stake President to have my brother released from his mission. That afternoon we attended our cousins graduation lunch. That evening the whole family came over to celebrate The Guitarist return, he even still spoke in church on Sunday, and we had a luncheon afterwards. Wednesday was the viewing and Thursday the funeral. All but one of us 6 kids spoke. I told everyone about the amazing grandma she was, and how much Miss K was going to miss her best friend. 

That evening I was finally able to sit. And I realized that I'd missed my appointment to see if our baby was a boy or girl. We decided we needed some happy news that day and so Mr.Right and I drove to Draper for an ultrasound.

We are going to have another beautiful little girl!

The next day Miss K was hit in the head with a boomerang... Yeah... A boomerang! It was a total accident and my brothers who'd been playing with it felt horrible! As they ran her inside blood was everywhere and within minutes we knew she would need stitches... Turns out she needed 9 of them, plus one deep one! She didn't love that experience. :(

The next day we had her 2nd birthday party. A bubble party! She loved every minute and it was nice to just have some fun! 

I'm blogging from my phone for the 1st time so I don't know how long this is really going to be, but I feel like I've typed  a lot! I have loads of pictures I will hopefully get around to putting up too. 

The Hiatus

So... Like I keep saying...

MY LIFE IS CRAZY!

And there is very good reason for the break I have taken... it is not by choice and there is no real end in sight...

Here's the skinny...

Last September my mom started having some really strange back pain. When we got to Montana, after 2 trips to the ER and seeing a few "Doctors" (really... we now know these guys are idiots!) there she had her gall bladder removed, but the pain persisted. More "Doctors" more test, and test and test... and they could not figure out what was causing her so much pain that she had to be on narcotics, muscle relaxers and sleeping pills just to get a few (poor) hours of sleep at night.

In January they finally referred her to a specialist in Billings (4 hours away). That Doc ran a blood test and did 1 scan and found a tumor. After a biopsy the worst was confirmed:

Pancreatic Cancer.

(In case you didn't know, that's a bad one... possibly the worst one.)

So we packed up and came back to Utah so my mom could see the best of the best at Hustsman (in SLC). Well, most of us are back in Utah, my Hubby stayed in Montana to work. But I wanted to be with/near my mom while she goes through all of this and help as much as I can. (I promise I am an adult, who has her owe family and life, I don't just live off my parents! In fact at this point my hubby is the only one with a job... so really they are living off me!!)

So far she has been poked, prodded, scanned, biopsied more and more and had a "Chemo port" implanted  She starts her 1st round of chemo Tuesday.

Through it all we are trying to stay positive we are relying on the doctors to do what they know is best, but we also know that their best might not be good enough. So we are also doing everything else we can to help. My mom has gone to a vegan/raw diet to try and get the most out of her food (and keep is down), and "detox" her body naturally. We juice all day long! We are learning all about DoTerra and essential oils to help keep us all healthy and clean while she goes through all this (And I have quickly become a small believer in them... Big Tom was getting Bronchitis and after 2 days of oils he has nothing more than a little runny nose!). But, we know that all that will not stop the will of the Lord. So at night we pray (or more like beg), that she will be healed. That her will life will not end at just 48, and that she will get to know her grand babies. All of them! My mom is not ready to go, she doesn't want to go, and as far as she is concerned she isn't going to. She is ready to fight, with all the life she's got left and she will. If you knew my mom, you'd know she ain't goin' down without a fight!

Also... to go along with all the craziness... Two days before we left Montana I discovered that I am pregnant! Yeah... can you believe it!? I am the person you will now all hate. We didn't think we could get pregnant (Because, HELLO, we haven't gotten pregnant easily or naturally in the last 6 years!) so we didn't want to waste our time or money on birth control... 

So... Here I am 10 weeks pregnant. Again. I could not be more excited and happy and scared for my life! 

Scared you ask? 

Wait for it... have you done the math yet? Do you remember when Big Tom was born? Have you figured out that I got pregnant basically the same weekend I got pregnant with him? Are you thinking I need to stop going on vacation for Christmas? Yeah me too ;) 

Cause ... This little one is due just 4 days after Big Tom's 1st birthday!

Crazy! That's the theme here...

So I don't know when you will hear from me again. I will try to keep you updated. I am still alive, and around. I'm still keeping up with you and your lives! I still love to read blogs so keep up your good work so I can escape from the craziness here and into your world for 5-10min at a time!

Have you met my Giant Son!?

Miss K has always been on the small side. It's just her. She's my little girl. I am only 5' 2" and Mr. Right, although he hates to admit is, is only like 5' 9". We're short. I've excepted this. He hasn't ;).

So when we had our sweet little tiny daughter I was not the least bit surprised. I always figured my children would be small. 

Then Little Man came along!

And to say my children are as different as night and day would be an understatement!

He was 7 lbs 15 oz when he was born, and at 4 months he weighs 18 lbs! He currently wears 6 & 6-9 month size clothes. His sister was not this big until she was 7 months old! He still eats every 3-4 hours, even at night. 

And at 24 inches tall he's only 10 inches shorter than his sister. When we stand them up back to back he comes up to her shoulders.

And he thinks he's a big kid too. He's not content to just lay down and chill. He wants to be sitting up, looking around. 

And he hates to be alone! He knows when he's alone and will just about immediately start crying. He wants attention all the time. He wants someone to be playing with him at all times.

His favorite place to be is in my arms. He can't self sooth for his life... and he is a master at binky hiding.

And OH is he adorable! He loves to smile! And it's the cutest little smile ever!

And today while I was thinking about all this I decided he needed a new blog name! Although he is still my Little Man, there may come a day when I have another one. So I am going to do my best from now on to call him "Big Tom" here. (Tom is not his name, but it's a funny nickname my grandpa gave him because of his name... I don't know if that makes any sense... but that's where it comes from.)